In this critically-acclaimed film filled with darkness and misery, no line disturbed me more. Decades after abandoning her family, Laura Brown (Julianne Moore), sums up her defense: “I chose life.” If she had not run away from her husband, her two small children − from her life − Brown reasons, she would have taken her own life. Equally disturbing is the apparent reaction of Clarissa Vaughn (Meryl Streep), the recipient of Brown’s unsolicited confession. Vaughn, haunted by the fear that her own life has been meaningless, seems to draw comfort, some sense of peace from Brown’s view of life: any life lived − no matter how it is lived − is satisfactory, meaningful, and a victory over death.
How does one come up with such a minimalist, individualistic view of life? And why might another person identify with it so readily? At bottom, Brown’s understanding of life suffers from a common but faulty premise, the idea that “I am my own.” “I − no one else − will decide what is good and right for me.” But for this thought, Brown would not ponder suicide or abandonment. If she belonged to Someone else, she would have no right to terminate her existence or abandon her familial obligations.
Understood in this context, it is easy to see why Vaughn would identify so readily with Brown’s view of life. We all are vulnerable to the pride and arrogance luring us to the belief that “I am my own.” This temptation has been present since Adam and Eve walked in the Garden of Eden. Notwithstanding the Lord’s showering of blessings, Adam and Eve still desired to become like gods themselves by eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
I understand that, in the short run, it can seem comforting, even invigorating, to be your own boss and answer to no one. But, it seems to me, that this worldview, in the long run, fails to live up to its promise.
